The leaves begin to change and I'm thinking about my eyeballs

This week has been such a change from last week, it's almost hard to believe. I had an amazing meeting with the program director, Sara Rudner, monday. I talked to her about my stuckness in my choreography and she helped me think through ideas and now I have so many ideas they are bursting to be worked on. I also talked to her about my tendency to over think things and panic. She gave me tips on how to not censor myself and to take the time I need when I start to panic. She also talked to me about my dancing and that I'm doing really well and that I could be even better if I start incorporating more of focus into my work. So this has been the week of the eyeball.

Tuesday I have a graduate seminar based on exploration and experimentation in movement with a anatomical support. So I spent 2 hours initiating movement with my eyeballs and making sure I was really using them and seeing things around me as I dance. It was insanely hard and made me slightly nauseous, but so worth it. The next day in my contemporary class while we furthered the combinations from monday I started to add in the concept of focus to my work. It was amazing how different everything felt with such a slight change of thinking about head placement and what I'm looking at.

From this work I FINALLY got some feedback and comments from my teacher. I've been so worked up over the fact I never seem to get much attention or comments (negative or positive). It was like it lifted a burden from my shoulders and I felt like in 1 class my dancing changed for the better more than it has in a long while. I think it's one of those things where I work as hard as I physically, mentally and emotionally can in order be my best; and when your best incites nothing from those around you it feels as though you've worked for nothing. Which is the wrong way to think, but I am a performer and I am practicing how to perform.


On a completely different note, I leave for California TOMORROW! (Exactly 24 hrs from when I'm typing this sentence) I am soooooooo excited I wish I could explain it. I can't wait to see Ross and tell him about my dance and get his input on my ideas. I can't wait for dinner and Dexter with Caren and Kiel. I can't wait to go to Linnaea's and work on my research paper. I can't wait for sunshine and warmth and love and good food and just to be HOME.

When I got home from school today I immediately started packing and put in my California playlist:



Led Zepplin - Going to California
Joni Mitchell - California
Coconut Records - West Coast
Admiral Radley - I Heart California
The Smiles - California Girls
The Head and the Heart - Down in the Valley
The Mountain Goats - Dance Music
The O's - California
Eugene and the 1914  - California
Mat and Kim - Daylight
Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose
Irene Kral - Going to California
Mat Kearney - New York to California
Phantom Planet - California

While many of these have the same title none are covers of the same song.

Well time to check into my flight! (insert excited little girl sound and silly face here)