So this weekend I was pretty sure it was going to be a solitary weekend and quite lonely. Saturday I watched ridiculous sad movies and while I hate to admit it, cried most of the day (let's not bring it up again shall we). Mainly I was sad because I feel very out of place here, I've mentioned this before but it's worse. I am in a totally new, unfamiliar place where people are less than friendly. In our program most of the grad students are either married and/or live in the city. So hanging out is a little tough. Then the few that do live near by and aren't married I see all day every day, 5-6 days a week. Its not that I don't like them. Its quite the opposite! I really like them, so I don't wan them to end up disliking me because I'm usually not in the mood to hangout or be around people after such long days. I also fear that if we do spend too much time together they may end up realizing they don't think I'm cool or interesting or whatever.
Girls are hard for me, I have a hard time spending massive amounts of time with just girls. I'm much more used to being around boys. Here I don't really have any contact with boys.
I miss hanging out with my nerdy engineer boys talking about helicopters, video games, and the best way to build a projector tv theater at home. I grew up in a neighborhood of all boys, Most of my friends are boys, except the exceptional few females who are the most amazing women ever.
I miss hanging out with my nerdy engineer boys talking about helicopters, video games, and the best way to build a projector tv theater at home. I grew up in a neighborhood of all boys, Most of my friends are boys, except the exceptional few females who are the most amazing women ever.
I also miss Ross and I try really hard not to annoy him or complain or pester him on a daily basis. But I realized he is my only male contact that I have and I miss it. I worry sometimes that I get overly emotional about things and end up annoying him with my texts. But I can't help the way I feel and sometimes I just have to cry myself to sleep if I'm going to sleep at all. (yes saying that makes me feel stupid... oh well).
The other night there were a few songs that seemed to match my mood:
Yesterday It was a cold, overcast and lonely sort of day, so I wrapped myself up in my big red blanket and made some tea. Then I made a huge netflix que of very sad classic films and I simply curled up in my air mattress and let the sorrow wash over me. That sounds so cheesey and stupid when I think about it but it was exactly what I needed. Sometimes it's nice to indulge in your feelings and let them run wild. However that can't last forever.
Emily was having people over for drinks and I decided to be social and make new friends instead of hole up in my room (which was a serious option). So I put on a dress and makeup (which is so rare nowadays) and went out to meet the masses.
It ended up being exactly what I needed to end a day of sadness. I met our neighbors who are super cool musicians and the kind of guys I love to be friends with. I am so glad I finally met them and I agreed the next time they have a pot luck I will be there with baked goods in tow. I really want to make better friends with them.
This morning Emily and I cleaned up the disaster of our kitchen and I proceeded to bake the savory scones seen in my last post. Then my new bed was delivered and I walked to Macy's and bought a body pillow with my gift card (Thank you Myers!).
When I got home I had a strange need to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I can't remember the last time I made cookies from scratch, because they are such a pain in the ass... but I marched my butt back to the mall and bought the necessary items from the store and currently the last batch in is the oven...
Now I think I'll end my baking marathon, curl up with dinner, a sad movie, and enjoy my new bed
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