I've been a little out of sorts and crazy in the head the last 2-3 weeks and I've had very little dance in my life to center me and make me feel better. So I've just been getting crabbier, antsier, and more agitated. I found myself snapping at people when I finally got to dance after my classes were over because I didn't know what was going on, and I felt out of the loop and stupid. I hate feeling stupid more than anything in the world.
Saturday morning before leaving for Berkeley I had a good, long, solid rehearsal for a piece that I was SO lost in. I learned the piece and began to feel the undercurrent of the piece not just "oh shit what comes next!" It was so nice not to feel lost in a sea of unknown movement and to settle into it a little.
Last night we rehearsed the piece a little more and when I arrived I could quickly grasp what they had already been working on, learned a bunch of new material and felt immediately good in it (except the beginning of that damned coat phrase! haha). I was laughing and making jokes again... it felt natural and I was reminded of why I love dance so much.
This morning I'm attempting to finish up some reading for my meetings and classes today, however I am more focused on the sound of the soothing rain mixed with Arcade Fire's The Suburbs swirling in the air around my head and I keep getting lost in the movement in my head. I'm dancing away to a far away place that is so joyful, that I have a hard time returning to the world of financial decisions and simulation guidelines.
Can I just graduate now? I'm ready to go to grad school and eat, sleep and breathe dance...
I found this video from the show at Berkeley, just to think I was right there in the pit right in front of the guitarist on stage right (left side of the screen)
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