a river of tears... and a lot of cookies

So this weekend I was pretty sure it was going to be a solitary weekend and quite lonely. Saturday I watched ridiculous sad movies and while I hate to admit it, cried most of the day (let's not bring it up again shall we). Mainly I was sad because I feel very out of place here, I've mentioned this before but it's worse. I am in a totally new, unfamiliar place where people are less than friendly. In our program most of the grad students are either married and/or live in the city. So hanging out is a little tough. Then the few that do live near by and aren't married I see all day every day, 5-6 days a week. Its not that I don't like them. Its quite the opposite! I really like them, so I don't wan them to end up disliking me because I'm usually not in the mood to hangout or be around people after such long days. I also fear that if we do spend too much time together they may end up realizing they don't think I'm cool or interesting or whatever. 

Girls are hard for me, I have a hard time spending massive amounts of time with just girls. I'm much more used to being around boys. Here I don't really have any contact with boys.

I miss hanging out with my nerdy engineer boys talking about helicopters, video games, and the best way to build a projector tv theater at home. I grew up in a neighborhood of all boys, Most of my friends are boys, except the exceptional few females who are the most amazing women ever. 

I also miss Ross and I try really hard not to annoy him or complain or pester him on a daily basis. But I realized he is my only male contact that I have and I miss it. I worry sometimes that I get overly emotional about things and end up annoying him with my texts. But I can't help the way I feel and sometimes I just have to cry myself to sleep if I'm going to sleep at all. (yes saying that makes me feel stupid... oh well).

The other night there were a few songs that seemed to match my mood:

new wheels, old pillow, future wings and some spacewalks

Last Saturday night I bought a bicycle!!!! It's a diamondback luster 1 hybrid bicycle. Riding around here is terrifying though. The NY drivers are psycho and there are no bike lanes and the sidewalks are super uneven and tiny. However it is nice biking to and from school, though I have to carry my bicycle up and down from the 3rd floor. Let's just say I'm going to be super uber fit by the end of the month.

Saturday afternoon we also had our internet hooked up in the apartment which is FANTASTIC! I get to utilize netflix again.  While the man was hooking it up I started on my newest baking project.

Every weekend I plan to bake a batch of something to take to school everyday for my mid morning break.

Last week I made sweet potato scones, this weekend I made a version of Black Horse's savory scone (my favorite) cheddar, leek and tomato scones. I have to admit though... they may not make it through the week. I just had one and I kind of want to eat them all right now.

Next week... either peanut butter muffins filled with strawberry jam in the middle or lemon yogurt cupcakes... haven't decided yet

one of those restless days

I don't know if it's just me or if everyone has them... those restless days where you can't figure out what to do, where to go, what music to listen to, etc. Today is one of those days...

I was maybe going to go to the city on a tour, but it is supposed to be stormy this afternoon/evening and for some reason I don't want to go on their tour... I want to go on my own kind of tour. That, and it's expensive and I am a crazy penny pincher right now.

I feel like I need an artistic outlet, or organizing frenzy, or cooking day, BAH I can't figure it out...

It's really weird being here some days, I feel so isolated even though I'm gaining friends and a knowledge of the area. I still feel alone and out of place here.

This last week was orientation and classes start Monday which is really scary and exciting. Orientation was awesome and I took full advantage of it. Turns out I am 1 of 4 incoming grad students instead of 6 which is how many there have been the last few years. 3 of us are from the first audition and 1 from the second audition (which was twice as large). All the ladies seem really cool and we've kind of stuck together this first week to figure everything out.

All 4 of us are VERY different, which is important and cool: Heather is from South Carolina, Sabrina from Miami, and Marisa from Brooklyn. I am the only west coaster in the graduate dance program, I believe. So I will definitely be different.

My roommate Emily is also super awesome and is an incoming grad student in Poetry which is perfect.

All in all I am really happy about school so far and my class schedule is finalized and a lot crazy. Well finalized is also relative since we still have to figure out our own studio time, 2 personal rehearsals, and a meeting once a week with the program director on top of that

Basically I am taking a full load of 4 lecture courses, then 9 dance classes on top of that, then studio time, rehearsals and meetings as well.

I guess today I will start on my readings for the grad seminar 1 and maybe work on my memory book or read or work on an art project... who knows. But if you have suggestions please let me know.

update... apparently it was a case of the "mean reds" and Breakfast at Tiffany's was the cure needed