a river of tears... and a lot of cookies

So this weekend I was pretty sure it was going to be a solitary weekend and quite lonely. Saturday I watched ridiculous sad movies and while I hate to admit it, cried most of the day (let's not bring it up again shall we). Mainly I was sad because I feel very out of place here, I've mentioned this before but it's worse. I am in a totally new, unfamiliar place where people are less than friendly. In our program most of the grad students are either married and/or live in the city. So hanging out is a little tough. Then the few that do live near by and aren't married I see all day every day, 5-6 days a week. Its not that I don't like them. Its quite the opposite! I really like them, so I don't wan them to end up disliking me because I'm usually not in the mood to hangout or be around people after such long days. I also fear that if we do spend too much time together they may end up realizing they don't think I'm cool or interesting or whatever. 

Girls are hard for me, I have a hard time spending massive amounts of time with just girls. I'm much more used to being around boys. Here I don't really have any contact with boys.

I miss hanging out with my nerdy engineer boys talking about helicopters, video games, and the best way to build a projector tv theater at home. I grew up in a neighborhood of all boys, Most of my friends are boys, except the exceptional few females who are the most amazing women ever. 

I also miss Ross and I try really hard not to annoy him or complain or pester him on a daily basis. But I realized he is my only male contact that I have and I miss it. I worry sometimes that I get overly emotional about things and end up annoying him with my texts. But I can't help the way I feel and sometimes I just have to cry myself to sleep if I'm going to sleep at all. (yes saying that makes me feel stupid... oh well).

The other night there were a few songs that seemed to match my mood: