The leaves begin to change and I'm thinking about my eyeballs

This week has been such a change from last week, it's almost hard to believe. I had an amazing meeting with the program director, Sara Rudner, monday. I talked to her about my stuckness in my choreography and she helped me think through ideas and now I have so many ideas they are bursting to be worked on. I also talked to her about my tendency to over think things and panic. She gave me tips on how to not censor myself and to take the time I need when I start to panic. She also talked to me about my dancing and that I'm doing really well and that I could be even better if I start incorporating more of focus into my work. So this has been the week of the eyeball.

Tuesday I have a graduate seminar based on exploration and experimentation in movement with a anatomical support. So I spent 2 hours initiating movement with my eyeballs and making sure I was really using them and seeing things around me as I dance. It was insanely hard and made me slightly nauseous, but so worth it. The next day in my contemporary class while we furthered the combinations from monday I started to add in the concept of focus to my work. It was amazing how different everything felt with such a slight change of thinking about head placement and what I'm looking at.

From this work I FINALLY got some feedback and comments from my teacher. I've been so worked up over the fact I never seem to get much attention or comments (negative or positive). It was like it lifted a burden from my shoulders and I felt like in 1 class my dancing changed for the better more than it has in a long while. I think it's one of those things where I work as hard as I physically, mentally and emotionally can in order be my best; and when your best incites nothing from those around you it feels as though you've worked for nothing. Which is the wrong way to think, but I am a performer and I am practicing how to perform.


On a completely different note, I leave for California TOMORROW! (Exactly 24 hrs from when I'm typing this sentence) I am soooooooo excited I wish I could explain it. I can't wait to see Ross and tell him about my dance and get his input on my ideas. I can't wait for dinner and Dexter with Caren and Kiel. I can't wait to go to Linnaea's and work on my research paper. I can't wait for sunshine and warmth and love and good food and just to be HOME.

When I got home from school today I immediately started packing and put in my California playlist: